A Public Forum

2004-07-27T01:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people just take this enlightenment thing too far. I'm pissed off cuz I just got through having a conversation with someone who, in his pursuit of knowledge, began to essentially slap God in the face. Y'all already know that stupid and illogical people make me angry, but he literally made me sick to my stomach. I'm talking straight up blasphemy. Here are a few of his stupid comments:

-I'm supposed to worship a being that might love me today and tomorrow smite me?

-But if God does the same things I do - get angry, vengeful, & jealous - then I can't see the use in worshipping Him. It'd be like saying I need to worship the president because he can nuke me. George W. does things that are worthy of praise, and he has the power to destroy me. SO what's the difference?

-What does God does that is so worthy or praise that is not negated by His tolerance of widespread cruelty & suffering?

-How dare God expect my devotion when He seems to have trouble keeping up His Covenent w/ much of humanity?

-It is most difficult for a loving, benevolent God to be the same being as a jealous, vengeful God.

OH, pissed to the highest heights of piss-tivity I am! He said other stupid things that I don't have the energy to explain right now, but if you ever wanna see the convo, I'll show it to you. Please believe I saved it... I mean, the nerve. I'm all for education and asking questions, but sometimes people just get way out of hand and think they can bring God down to their level at their will. And if you are reading this and think that you can... you can't! God is not at your beck and call and come to think of it, JESUS IS NOT YOUR HOMEBOY!!! Maybe I'm just crazy, but the man who was the Son of God, who died for my sins ultimately deserves much more respect than to put on the same level as a "homeboy". Just because God made man in His image does not mean that God is made in your image. He is not like you and he deserves more respect and reverence than we give him today. Bibi was right; today's society has become too good at sinning. And don't think I'm on a soapbox... wait, no I am on a soapbox cuz i have a point to make, it's just that my soapbox isn't that high off the ground... I'm applying this to myself too, cuz I know I'm not perfect. I sin too. Everyday I sin, but I'm working on myself to make myself better. To make Quinnton more worthy of receiving the new chance that he gets on the daily, even though they wages is sin is death. Please get it together... and if i'm wrong, please let me know, cuz I'm more than willing to let anyone else know why God deserves our praise and worship rather than our criticism and the shaking of our flawed fists...

And yes, I had that conversation over a half an hour ago, and my heart is still beating fast.

*DONT BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS YOU... IT JUST MIGHT REACH OUT AND KNOCK YOU INTO THE FIERY PITS OF HELL... *(how's that for a Jonathan Edwards theology?)

2004-07-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, i know... it's been 10 months! Oh well, you'll get over it... I mean, please read my page again. I would start where I left off, but I don't think there's enough webspace for that. It was wierd cuz at first i didn't post cuz I was too busy, then I didn't post because nothing was happening to me. Is that the definition of irony, or do i just like using the phrase "definition of irony"? I know I always say it when I talk about the explosion in DeFuniak Springs, but who knows. Wait, if you went on Spring Tour, why wasn't my charade in DeFuniak considered a terrorist attack? Yeah right, I'm that desperate for attention... I was just wondering :: rolling eyes smiley::...

But anyway, most of you don't know what I'm talking about and oh well, cuz i don't feel like explaining it all... (some of it, I'm not at liberty to)... nonetheless, that doesn't mean that you can't catch up on the many things that have been going through my mind since September of '03. What fun, right?!?!?

I have an audition with a record company in a few days and it's really wierd. I'm nervous because I haven't really sung this type of music in so long and also because I've started on a serious track into the business world and what if this picks up? I think I was so fired up about a record deal in high school, because it wouldn't interrupt much, but now, it's a hella hard decision to make between a full scholarship to the premier black institution in the world and taking the once in a lifetime opportunity of becoming a recording artist. Then along with it comes the apprehension of what level of stardom I'll reach. Are we talking Devon the Dude, Devon Edmonds, or Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds? See? Some of you don't even know who the first two are, and that's what bothers me. Wait, let's go back to the first part of this paragraph. Ok, Bibi referred this record company to me and they set up an audition for this Saturday at 10:00. I think it's gonna be interesting because I don't think the woman really knew who she was talking to. I mean, I don't mean to be big-headed, but she was talking to me like I was any old run-of-the-mill singer, and I'm so not. She told me, after hearing me sing, that she could tell that I don't drink enough water everyday ( which was trash) and that I needed to be taught how to breathe ( which was trash with a side of compost... a little dollop of manure on top) First of all, I have been singing ever since I can remember. Granted my family didn't know until i was 15, but in all that time, no one has ever told me that I didn't drink enough water; I have worked with the likes of Lydia Alston, Anthony Glover, and Dr. David E. Morrow, and none of them have ever told me anything about the amount of water I drink. Ms. " Fake -Musician -Lady", I'm a bass and my voice in naturally gravelly... get over it. And the whole thing about breathing... please. If there is one thing that they get on us for in Glee Club rehearsal, it's breathing, so just stop your trash and lies right now. Then she handed me some line about how I have "some potential". Then later, when I called her and told her that it was difficult to pick a song because my vocal range lies so much lower than the average R&B singer's today, she spat out that " I hadn't challenged my voice in that way, so I didn't know what I could do with it". That kinda made me mad; who are you to tell me wat my voice can do? How long have you been singing? Oh my bad, you haven't... you just set up the appointments. Get real. Maybe it's not ludicrous to you but the laughter that she mistook for being happy that someone liked my voice was really outbursts of " Is she serious?". Anyway, whereas Solo asked her numerous questions to let her know that he knew what was up, I'll continue to play dumb, and later on, as my people would say, "shock they drawz". It'll be fun.

What else? Oh yeah, money is hard to come by. I thought that being smart, diligent, charasmatic, and qualified was enough to get a job, but I guess not. There must be some secret that I don't know about that everybody and their mama knows about when it comes to getting a job, cuz I've only been on one assignment this entire summer for two days and the rest of my time has been spent basically being pissed that I had nothing to do. Now dont get me wrong, I welcome rest, and no I haven't really been brooding for the past 2 months, but this sucks. I'm so used to doing something that doing nothing makes me nervous. I'm already neurotic ( an explanation for another day)and this whole waking-up-to-an-empty-day-after-staying-up-all-night routine is making my nerves even worse. They're not lying when they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, cuz ATL likes My-T- Fyne right about now. Atleast when I'm there I have an excuse for not having a job. Here it's just pathetic.
OK, i won't bore you with too much more now, but stop back by later... I've touched on only a handful of the couple of hundred days that this site has missed. Have a day.

* I FOUND A REASON FOR ME... TO CHANGE WHO I USED TO BE.. A REASON TO START OVER NEW... AND THE REASON IS YOU*

2003-09-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

I know we've already touched on the whole Pride issue, but I think it's about time that it were revisited. I've already said in an earlier blog that I have a vice in Pride, but it is bit by bit leaving me. Very recently, people have irked the frick out of me by bragging all the time. There are two people in particular, whose names of course I will not mention. Everytime I talk to these people they find some way to conspicuously praise themselves. Whether it's clothes, money, intelligence, talent, or just something as simple as slang, these people compliment themselves so much, others never get a chance to. I mean, of course your clothes look nice, but they must not look as good as you think they do if you have to point it out. Yes, you're smart. You did a lot of things in high school, but so did everyone else. That's why we're here. So what if you're on a scholarship. Take a survey, son; most of the people that you talk to on a daily basis are as well. Please, get over yourselves.

Seriously, to those of you reading this, am I like that? I'd like to think that if I were that type of person you would tell me, cuz these two sometimes make me wanna vomit.

* WITH YOUR NOSE IN THE AIR, YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND YOU; SOMEONE WILL KNOCK YOU OFF THAT PEDESTAL*

2003-09-16T18:41:00.000-07:00

Ya know, I said I could not wait to get out of my senior year and that I would never look back on it. However ( oh don't act surprised; you knew it was coming) I do, most recently find myself looking back on those days and even kinda flashing back to the same feelings and sensations I had then. Now don't confuse missing something with longing for it, because I'd never trade those days for these. But it's weird how I can think of "I Care For You" and suddenly be in the driver's seat of that to' up Red Pontiac Sunbird Convertible with Trenda on the right, Steff and Essence in the back, and the scent of Wendy's 99cent menu wafting in the air. It was hot cuz I didn't have AC. or if it was raining, wet cuz my window wouldn't go up. Cramped cuz u can't really fit 4 & their belongings in that car. Miserable cuz I was in dress clothes and didn't really wanna go to work. The best time of my life huh? Oh it gets better.

The car just flat out didn't work. In fact, it was only by the grace of God that I made it to school, work and back home everyday. The ailments of my vehicle are as follows:
- Would overheat and fail to start capriciously
- Driver's side window would not go up
- Convertible top had to be let down manually
- Passenger side door sometimes would not open
- Back "window" was so clouded, it was opaque instead of translucent.
- Would not accelerate nor brake immediately
- Would sometimes cut off if I accelerated too quickly
- Had no panel beneath the steering column
- Could shift gears without the button on the gearshift itself being pressed

But this, too, is only the beginning. I have endless stories about the stress this car caused me. Nonetheless, I thank God for it and the times my friends and I had in it. ( We looked too fly with the top down, in Orange Oakleys at the Battle of the Bands)

It's crazy how someone can change in just 3 weeks. It was ages ago that I tried to direct that choir... that I counted thousands of dollars a day... that I would dress up every single day... Who was that guy?

*YESTERDAY... ALL MY TROUBLES SEEM SO FAR AWAY*

2003-09-15T13:11:00.000-07:00

I need to start getting more sleep. I've been going to sleep at 1:30 at the earliest every night and getting up for 9:00 classes. Granted some of you may think this is no large feat, but this is coming from a man who voluntarily went to bed at 10:00 junior year so that he would be at his best. This is not so to date. I have not gotten a good night's sleep pretty much since I got here, not because I'm that distraught, but because I'm having such a good time. ( I'd take the latter over the former any day). But that's not the most important thing that's going on right now.

THE MOREHOUSE COLLEGE GLEE CLUB PUTS IT DOWN! We sing at the Opening Convocation this Thursday, and could I be any more excited? No dice. I'm stoked...hyped... riding the bull, even? We're singing this song called Witness that is really easy, cuz being a bass, I sing the same note for almost the entire piece. Extreme niceness with a side of "YES!" Even though it's a choral piece, I'll out on a limb here and say it gets kinda krunk at the end. Q is really into it. Plus, the harmonies are incredibly tight. Not just tite, but tight as well. You've gotta hear it. Hopefully the sound bytes will be up on the site pretty soon.

OMG!!! I almost forgot! Guess who I met this past weekend... no... not her... him either... you give up? RUBEN FRICKIN' STIZZ-NUDDARD! We were in Birmingham on an Honors Program Retreat, and at the whim of Arjuna, we decided to go chill on the 17th floor ( The Penthouse). We had been there for like 10 minutes when this guy comes walking out of a door all the way at the other end of the hotel. Alex was all "It would be tite if that was Ruben, " and I was all "Whateva!" and he was all" nuh-uh!" and I was all "Trick biz-nia-zizatch!"... OK I made the last 3 up but Alex really did say the first one. Another guy had walked out of the room a minute before him and we were talking to him right by the elevators, and as the other guy got closer I realized that it was indeed Ruben. When he got on the elevator, Arjuna when up and asked " Excuse me, are you famous?" Upon his nod, his manager, the guy we had been talking to, said "Yeah, he's Ruben" So, Arjuna, very non-chalantly said " Oh ok, nice to meet you"... Upon the close of the elevator, all hell broke loose!. The 17 some odd floors of the Sheraton could not contain the jumps and hollers of "THAT WAS RUBEN!!!" We pressed the button to take the elevator down to the lobby and in our frenzied state, began to look for the stairs. Upon their discovery, Marcus, Alex, June and I proceeded to leap down 17 flights of stairs to get to the lobby. When we got downstairs he was still waiting in front of the hotel. Marcus and I were gonna break him off a harmonized chord or two, but I didn't think that would be appropriate. In the end, we shook his hand and he drove away on his shuttle of sorts. It's kinda ludicrous when you think about it though; I know he thought we were asses for coming all the way downstairs to say something to him instead of just speaking on the 17th, but ah well... I attribute it to the caprices of the human soul.

Other things to remember about the HP retreat:
- Igor
- Singing over the balcony
- Something fishy goin on on the bed, in the air, and in the window
- the sermon
- speech lessons
- more mashed potatoes?
...
tiempos buenos

*I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU AFTER THE SECOND SHOW; DON'T YOU REMEMBER YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME BABY*

2003-08-28T18:14:00.000-07:00

You know what's extra weak? When someone leaves a post totally incomplete and then doesn't post again for like 2 months! Wait that would be me. I admit, I was terribly lazy, but the comp at my parent's house is so slow, I just didnt have the patience to deal. HOWEVER, I AM NOW IN ATLANTA WITH MY OWN COMPUTER THAT I BOUGHT WITH MY OWN MONEY AND BLAZIN THE ALREADY HOT STREETS OF ATLANTA AS A TOP NOTCH MAN OF MOREHOUSE!! Can you tell that I am excited? (Actually, my parents are bringing my computer and stuff this weekend, but that is beside the point.) The atmosphere here is just off the hook. Never in my life have I seen so many intellectual black people in one place and it makes me want to jump for joy every minute of the day <--- Hyperbole. But really, I don't think I could have made a better choice for myself as far as college. Tha House may not have a 5-year PPA Program, but it does have my heart already, and that is no comparison. Thus, I will attempt to delineate my experiences thus far.

THE BUS RIDE:
Being the the pseudo-patient person, I decided to take the Greyhound to Atlanta from Houston, not to mention the fact that I am shaken by planes ( long story... another post perhaps?). 16 hours may sound a few ppl's course loads, but it was the duration of the hell that they call a busride. Most ppl at Morehouse had their parents stay until Thurday night, at which time there was a Parents' Parting Ceremony. Mine, however, dropped me off at Bus Terminal 9 with four articles of luggage at 1:00 Monday in Houston. Don't let the plush coach buses you've ridden on in the past fool you. This bus had seats that were too small in everyway imaginable, not to mention the fact that the same people who ride Houston's METRO ride Greyhound buses... just imagine spending almost an entire day with them. I sat next to a girl, who couldn't get all of her belongings together, and then an old lady who kept falling on me when she was asleep. I slept, or attempted to sleep, in so many uncomfortable positions, I'm suprised I'm still alive. My tailbone, along with every other bone in my body, ached from sitting for so long. Then, the bus driver, with his okie doke lookin ass tried to get an attitude. This is just the beginning, I promise I won't mention the 5 layovers in cities throughtout Louisiana and Alabama.

CHECK-IN:
Somehow, I was supposed to get a huge trunk, a duffel bag that was just as big as said trunk, a messenger bag, and another suitcase from the bus station to my college, which I had no idea where it was. I took a cab to Spelman only to realize that I would have to lug the 4 bags another mile or so up a hill to my dorm. (The hills of GA ain't no joke. I get winded just walkin to my room). I finally get settled into my room and everything is pretty much chill, but do to incredible bureaucracy, I am still waiting on a voucher for my books when I was supposed to have $6500 in extra scholarships at the school. Where is the rest of my money? Oh yeah, and I'm going to leave out the part about how I got a 5 on my AP Calc test but still had to trek all over this hilly campus to get various signatures just to get 3 semester hrs.

PEEPS:
It's a real family atmosphere around here. I can't count the times someone has called me "Brother". For the most part, people are really cool and friendly. But then there are those who are frauds, and I spotted a few of those early on. I'm currently contemplating the fact that an entire clique is hating, but I need further info. I mean, it's no coincidence that some ppl that I was cool with during the first week are roommates and chill with those that prob'ly don't like me, suddenly won't speak to me. I found my place tho, and I'm meeting like mad fam everyday.

SINGING:
I made the audition for the premier group of the college, the Morehouse College Glee Club. I am used to singing Tenor, but because I was hoarse at the audition, the director put me in the Bass section. He said that I was tearing up my voice singing Tenor, and that I should never do it again. However, my throat was hurting after hitting a few low E notes. I don't read music like the majority of the members, but that just makes it all the more challenging, thus interesting. I wowed a few of the old members today when I was spontaneously called up to sing in a small ensemble of a song that I had barely had time to learn. DON'T THEY KNOW I WILL BREAK THEM OFF!? But anyway, I'm really excited cuz I haven't really sung in a long time, and I can't wait to get back on stage. Oh yeah, and they do a lot of travelling, but the group is like 100 ppl and sometimes they only take as few as 40 people. I'm tryin my hardest cuz I really don't wanna have to wait until next year to go somewhere. Hope for a little "Spring Tour"-age on my part.

That's just the tip of the iceberg, but from now on I should be posting more often. I would also like to send out a formal apology to Yams and Jenn, who are so faithful in posting their blogs, and were loyal readers of mine.

*TASTE MY ICE CREAM*

2003-06-24T22:13:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while, but let's dive right in... I have finally reached that so desired level of randomnity that I have been searching for all along. Why am I sitting in Kinko's at 11: 56 typing up a resume, when I have to go to work for 7:45 a.m. It's exciting, I know. OH, and I have never in my life seen such extortion. I remember when I had to try to use their computers for a project in Mr. Griffith's class, and the price was like 20 cents a minute and now we're up to 30? WTF? I know their computers don't cost that much. I mean, come on, they couldn't even opt for the Pentium 4... they had to go Pentium 3? Also, as I type this, the ExpressPay i devouring my bank account because I was silly enough to let it have my card. How's that for a good banker? I said all that to say nothing, but since I mentioned going to work in the morning, let's revisit that.

As some of you may very well know, I worked at Washington Mutual during the school year and was let go at the end of May because my internship was up... supposedly. I really knew at the time that I was allowed to work until the end of the month at which I had started, which would be June. But I didn't say anything. I just left, cuz I was sick of dealing with those childish customers anyway. ( tell me how u can be like 45 yrs old and sit in a bank a throw a tantrum cuz I won't give u money from ur account without ID... DUMASES!) But anyway, I was chillin at home, playin Pikmin, ( one of the most addictive games ever!) for like 2 weeks when my supervisor called me and asked if I wanted to come back to work and get some more hours. She said she had just found out that she could have kept me, but I knew differently. She wanted to get me out as soon as possible so that she could hire and train someone else in my place. But here's the clincher... SHE COULDN'T FIND ANYONE TO REPLACE OLE Q DAWG! So there she was, after being short-handed with a full 7-teller staff, and down to a 5-teller staff because I had been dismissed and Chris was on the Black College Tour ( which visited my new alm

2003-05-20T08:55:00.000-07:00

OK, since Yamanda has decided to lose her mind and diss one of the best movies ever made, I would like to counter. ARE U FRICKIN SERIOUS!? The Matrix Reloaded...inferdation...

2003-05-16T08:54:00.000-07:00

I know we've spoken about this issue a few times already, but the situation has arisen again so it's time to go back to it. A few days ago, Jenn told me that she had spoken to another white person who insisted that I has achieved my high rank and GPA because I was black. First of all, Jenn I think you do remember who it is... you just don't want me to F them up. Secondly, how stupid is that? It's one thing to assert that I got into college and got scholarships because I am black, because I don't doubt that that was a factor. It wasn't as big a factor as my intellect, but a factor nonetheless. But how is it possible to think that my race had anything to do with how well I have done throughout my high school carreer when semester averages are colorblind? They don't give class rank based on ethnic background, financial need, or any of that other bureaucratic bullcrap. I got where I am today because I am smart. Perhaps smarter than whoever it was that made that comment, but that takes us back to that whole pride issue, so we'll just leave it at that.

In lighter news, I finally got my cell phone after how long? My mother told me years ago that the only way I was gonna get my own phone was if I paid for it. So last summer, I determined that I was gonna pay for my own plan. I had my little free Motorola T193 picked out with the perfect plan for everything. It was placed strategically in my budget. ( Yes, I have a budget) But somehow that feel off and I decided not to get a wireless til I got to college, but just recently, probably because they have to pay for little else in the way of college, my Daddy added me on to his new contract. This is where the ecstaticism comes in . It was really wierd though, cuz I was so happy about getting something my senior year, that middle school students find to be commonplace... even a necessity. I told her how excited and grateful I was and she was like "Yeah, you earned it." That was kinda funny to me cuz it just showed me how my parents standards for me are so different from the rest of the world. I know people who fail classes, most of which they never go to, and they have had cell phones glued to their hips since the moments I met them. Did they "earn" it? I don't know, I'm just glad to have finally caught up to getting a cell phone. Now can anyone tell me what I missed in the past 5 years while everyone else has been chatting? Oh yeah, and you can hit me up at (832) 758-2632.

* CO ME ON THE PANNY STY... I MEAN... CO ME DOWN ON THE PANNY STY*

2003-05-08T19:47:00.000-07:00

Dat wuz uh long tymme uhgow dat I has postid but I's bak. I was gonna try to write my entire post like that but I'm not as good at it as the EP crew. ....

....

... I was gonna write about my day, but then I realized that my life is terribly boring. See how these blogs uplift you? I can tell you one thing though... my clothes were uncomfortable & too easily wrinkled and that AP calc test was was too hard. OK that was 3 things, but nonetheless...

At first I thought I had failed as President of the Gospel Choir when we weren't gonna have the Black History Program ( did I write about this already) but then I realized that, in the words of Aisha from Poetic Justice, " I ain't in the business o' keepin' no [people] that don't wanna be kept" I was talkin to those kids all kinds of crazy after I came out of that office. Mr. Felder was at his wits end cuz he had scheduled our Spring Concert for the same night as the Gents/Diamonds Stepshow ( the must-see event of the month) and I suggested that we cancel the concert altogether for lots of reasons that that would make me mad if I were to take the time to type. Then when we came out of the office, I told them that we had cancelled the concert they were just really gonna try to get krunk with me, but I am a GAM, and I don't let kids talk to me any kind of way. Just know that they hit a nerve and I let them know... stupid people grrrrr....I can't wait to get away from these ignorant folks...

Oh yeah, and it's not fair. I wanna keep my money. I've been awarded like $3000 more than I need for college my freshman year and they're just gonna take it away. I know that they could give it to someone else, but I earned it. I worked damn hard for that money. All those late nights, lonely weekends, and excrutiating headaches were mine for the past 4 years and they need to go in my pocket for the next for. Stupid bureaucracy.

*THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE, BUT YOU CAN GIVE 'EM TO THE BIRDS AND BEES, I NEED MONEY*

2003-05-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

I thought prom was supposed to be fun? I really hope it is worth all of this, cuz Quinnton just came up off a whole bunch of money and I'm still not throught spending. Between my last two paychecks, I spent almost a thousand dollars and had nothing tangible to show for it, save a tux ( which I got for only $99... thank u K&G Men's Superstore!) But where did all the rest of that money go? Down the drain is where. We're being ripped off for prom tickets too. When you think about it, you only pay 10-20 dollars to get into the club, but I'm now paying $100 to get into one of Lamar's Dances ( only one of which in the past four years I have found fun.) Purely logical. But I will not let this ruin my evening... oh wait one more gripe... PLUS, I have to to work until 1:30 on the day of prom. My boss is so considerate. Stupid 2-week advance rule. Nonetheless, I will not let these things ruin my evening. I will eat, drink, get my groove on, and hopefully win one of those lovely laptops that will be given away at the end of the evening. Now who's up fo IHOP?

I just got back from taking my English IB test, and am having bittersweet feelings. I think it went well, but felt kinda stupid cuz i made a classic mistake. We had to analyze a passage and they gave us 5 sheets of paper to do it on. Why is it that I didn't realize that there was a back to every one of those pages until there were like 10 minutes left in the test? I mean, it didn't really matter, cuz I took up five pages and I haven't talked to anyone who wrote more than that, but it's gonna be totally obvious to the graders that I :
a) didn't realize that the extra space was there or,
b) I didn't plan on writing more than five pages.
Anyway it goes, this is not a good thing. On the other hand, I had a lot to say about the passage. As has become one of my favorite literary critique phrases, " It was a very rich passage." I'm not lying, I used that phrase twice in my commentary. OH! and please allow me to mention the fact that the closest we got to learning how to write a proper commentary was hearing our English teacher say the word "commentary". And then the only help we got was during the class period before the test and she was absent. A sub explained it to us, so yeah... good times.

*FAST TIMES AT LAMAR HIGH*

2003-04-27T15:07:00.000-07:00

Yamanda had a post a while back that talked about people saying that black people got into their respective colleges only because they were black. I thought it was bad when she told me about it, but of course one doesn't get the full effect of a situation until he experiences it... and I have. Not two weeks later, I received a letter from Tulane telling me that I had received their Distinguished Scholars Scholarship and I was talking about it in Calculus. A friend of mine, who just so happens to be white, leaned over to me and said "It's because you're black!" The killa part was that he said so excitedly, as if he were giving me a compliment. Due to my fight with one of the 7 Deadly Sins that I posted on an earlier date, I failed to mention to him that my GPA, class rank, and average in that class were higher than his. Was I supposed to say thank you to him? I don't know, but it ticked me off so badly that I couln't even say anything to him. I don't know, I used to think much more of him but not nearly as much anymore. Not to mention the fact that I rethink all the congratulations I get from people on getting a full scholarship to Morehouse. Most of them don't even know what it is.

My supervisor was all into it and gung ho about me getting the scholarship at Morehouse and she didn't even know what it was. She was even referring to it as Morehead. The manager of the branch, who just so happens to be a black man, had to explain to her the significance of me going to Morehouse. ( and just in case, you yourself don't know, Morehouse is the #1 black school in the country and the largest liberal arts college for men). That's why I'm so proud; it's not just because I got a full scholarship. Stuff like that just happens so much that I'm not even sure when to be offended anymore.

*...AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION... INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL*

2003-04-20T15:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter. Church was really good today. You know how sometimes you just have a spirutual renewal? I've always tried to be open-minded and try to understand everyone's lifestyles, but the only thing I can't seem to get is atheism. How can you not believe in God? Or Allah? or Yahweh or whatever you wanna call him? Call him anything but just call him. Have you ever felt the Holy Spirit? I don't mean just been compelled to clap your hands at church, but just really felt it? " Like fire shut up in my bones." I used to think those were just some words old people would say at church because they were supposed to, but that's real. I remember explaining to an atheist friend what the Holy Spirit was and having her listen to me as if I were explaining how to solve a differential equation. If there hasn't ever been any tangible evidence that God exists, I have to believe that his ability to make me burst into tears, and love it, at the drop of a hat is enough. It used to scare me when I was little. I couldn't, myself, understand why I used to cry when my mama sang a solo at church. But now I consider it to be the best feeling in the world. Really, I'm not exaggerating. Real freedom is when you close your eyes and cry; and you know that even though the room is full of people nothing else matters because it's just God and you. I'm gonna stop cuz I've tried so many times before and I just can't put the feeling into words. But if you can't relate, or you don't know what feeling I'm talking about, then you should pray tonight and ask him for it. And just so you know, you don't have to be at church to have Him move through you.

*BREAD OF HEAVEN/ SENT DOWN FROM GLORY/ MANY THINGS YOU WERE ON EARTH/ A HOLY KING, A CARPENTER/ YOU ARE THE LIVING WORD*

2003-04-18T23:13:00.000-07:00

OK, I did it again and technology is crap. Last night I sat down and typed a really great blog, but my crap internet connection failed when someone called. My frantic attempts to save it before the window closed were futile... and so I was angry. But I'm stupid for waiting so long again to post so... yeah.

God is good. In addition to the full tuition and room & board scholarship that Morehouse has offered me and the thousand dollar sponsorship from the Ernst and Young Accounting Firm, I just received word from the Jesse H. Jones Foundation that I have been awarded a 12 thousand dollar scholarship, to be disbursed over four years to any colege that I choose. I was so happy that I almost cried. This just goes to show you that prayer and hard work, in that order, do eventually pay off.

You know how they say that everyone has a vice in one of the Seven Deadly Sins? I have long known and attempted to deal with the fact that mine is Pride. People usually try to argue me down when I say that, but that is because my pride is hardly ever outwardly demonstrated. Sad to say, I sometimes, as my wonderfully country family, "get too big for my britches," and think too highly of myself. I've had to pray for a long time to bring me down from that and a prime example of this was last Saturday. Last year, I won the Silver Medal in the NAACP ACT-SO competition. I had to ask Him to help me not to go into this thinking that I would automatically come out on top. So glad that I did. I got there and not only did I embarrass myself prior to my performance, twice, but I would have totally dropped my face had I thought that I would go and wreck house on these singers on April 12. They were so incredible, that I can't even explain. I think that I did very well, but there is no way that I could even keep up with these people. There was this one girl who sang Whitney Houston's "Run To You" flawlessly, and I think she's only gonna get 3rd place. Fierce competition. I'm just glad to know them though. Musicians make excellent company.

*I THOUGHT THAT ALL MY OBSTACLES WERE BEHIND ME/ WALKIN' AROUND LIKE I'M MADE OUTTA DIAMOND/ I TRIPPED AND FELL AND IT REMINDED ME/ MOVE OVER AND LET MY ANGEL GUIDE ME*

2003-04-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

I messed up.

2003-03-31T09:11:00.000-08:00

Wow, how about it's called " I am a slacker"? I have had some really interesting stuff (well interesting to me anyway) to post but just haven't had the get up and go to post it. Anyway, the most recent and most exciting development is that Quinnton is no longer going to attend the University of Texas at Austin. Even through all of his "UT Go" antics, he has decided to go to Morehouse College in the Atlanta University Center, because he was offered a full ride scholarship. OK, now I'm gonna stop talking in third person cuz it's freakin me out. At first, I was still gonna go to UT, but after constant coaxing from friends and family members, I decided that a free college education at the Black College Capital of the World couldn't be beat... so here I is! Or there I will be, or something to that effect. I was also very excited to find out that I had been accepted to Tulane University.

I'm bad. I typed the paragraph above like a week go, and never published it. Sometimes I just don't get myself. But anyway, I would like to officially apologize to Yam and Jenn cuz they actually patronized my site and I did not deliver. But I'm back.

People love drama. A friend of mine got mad at another close friend of mine because she called her boyfriend "Darling". WTF? The girl is just a person who uses terms of endearment like that. I happened to notice that she called me "Sweetheart" earlier today. Does that mean that she is tryin to get with me? ( Notice that I didn't say anything about her tryin to steal me from my woman...mainly because I don't have one) But really, I can understand that some people are jealous, I've even spoken to the girl about this specific situation, and she presented some really good points, but this was not a valid reason to get upset. We have reason to believe that a friend of the girlfriend prodded her to believe that the event was more than it seemed to be cuz she was caught hating on that same close friend of mine earlier that day. I just want to graduate. We only have a few more days here and people can't just coast on into graduation. It's enough to deal with that teachers don't realize that it's the second semester of our senior year or "The Dead Zone". From the sedated Professional, y'all all need to chill out. Nothing is that crucial except the fact that we are, by now, grown... too grown to sweat the petty things. I just wanna go to college.

*IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME... I SHOULDN'TA LEFT YOU... WITHOUT A DOPE BEAT TO STEP TO...*

2003-03-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

It has begun. We are in the end of days, though. God is good. You think you know but you have no idea; this is a testimony, not mass media. I really wanna wake up right now. I'm too easily swayed, and there is a difference between ambivalent and indifferent. God comes when you call him. You can't worry and pray at the same time? Just give it all up... to Him that is. I want Saddam deposed, but I don't want innocent people to die. Great, so there it is, but I can't eat it. No, but I didn't want any of this to happen in the first place. Just pray. It worked so many times before... it'll work again.

*BUT SOMEHOW WE GOT LOOSE FROM WHAT WAS OH SO TIGHT/ SOMEWHERE WE WENT WRONG WHEN WE WERE OH SO RIGHT/ WHAT'S A MAN TO DO?/ I'M EMOTIONAL, AND I CAN'T LET GO *

2003-03-18T17:55:00.000-08:00

Yamms is right... I mean, Yamms are Wright... I mean, Yamanda left... What I'm getting at is that I don't post quite as much as I would like to. I don't even have enough posts to archive yet. But it's whatever. Why is it that a man can't even get a rest during Spring Break? Why is it that irate customers want to lie and say that they are signers on an account? Then when you tell them that you can't deposit the check, they lie again and say that they are going to take out thier 100K dollars and close their account? I'm sorry but first of all, I JUST TOLD YOU THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT HERE!. Secondly, looking at your profile, you don't even have a hundred thousand dollars so just stop your lies and false alibis and leave my window, before you make me lose my name as the Professional.
Bush is so full of it. Last night was the best that I have ever heard him speak, save the fact that he kept saying "nuke-u-lar". He made some very good points until I realized that I totally disagree with this entire war. Could it be because I think that he's only going after the man who tried to kill his father? Because there are more eminent dangers in the world? Because there are more pressing domestic issues that we need to deal with in this country? Because this time, we're the bad guy? Because no one in the world is backing us this time? Because we, the innocent civilians, will be the ones bombed when they retaliate? Because I, as a recently turned 18 year old male, want to go to college and not to the middle east to fight some men I don't even know? Whatever the reason, this war is all wrong and I want no part of it. It would be brilliant to already warn Iraqi officials directly that they will be punished for all war crimes... if there were a good enough reason to begin the war in the first place. He's become better at giving speeches. That's about all I can give him, given that I didn't want him in office in the first place. That's a totally different story though. But one more thing... we're not sure that Iraq is going to be an aggresor against us but we are sure that Osama killed thousands of our citizens. Word has it that he has yet to be punished, yet Saddam is the one we go after?

* IF IT AIN'T BROKE...*

2003-03-12T20:58:00.000-08:00

Whoa, how about it's called... what'd Staind say?... "It's Been A While". Yeah, times have been bittersweet since I last posted. Good news or bad news first. OK, bad news cuz it's the freshest in my mind.
They tell us on Monday that a very famous person is going to come to visit the Gospel Choir on Wednesday, but that they can't tell us who it will be. I'm not terribly excited because the choir is not exactly as up to par as it used to be. When we got to choir today, we were told that the celebrity would not be coming to 6th period because of a change in schedule, but would instead be coming at 12:30. We were to go to A lunch and come back during 7th period. (Therein lay the problem) I have no 7th period and I have to go to work... today it was at the ripe time of 1:15... dolla dolla bill. So i figured I would be able to go get lunch and come back real quick. OK how about it's called "my car didn't want to start, of all days, so I barely even had time to get lunch, let alone make it back to see our mystery guest." So I went to work, only to have a co-worker, who is also in the choir, come in and tell me that Kelly Rowland came and sang with the choir. How exciting. Yeah, so that made me really happy seeing as how Kelly is not one of my favorite singers.
But on a lighter note, we went to the Airtight Semi-Finals Stepshow on Friday, and my brothers, the G Phi hardest steppin brothas in maroon and gray, and my sisters, the sophistocated ladies of the Mighty Mighty Mighty Mighty D ( AKA the Diamonds) placed first and second respectively. Yes they will be moving on to the finals and yes they will once again represent. Nothing short of amazing.
I'm so proud :: inconspicuously swipes tear::

*KEEP ON TRUCKIN; WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMONS, THROW THEM AT THE OPPOSING STEP TEAMS*

2003-03-05T19:50:00.000-08:00

First of all, I would like to add that

Chasen Goudeau has been accepted to the University of Southern California!

IT DON'T GET NO BETTA!

Then, I would like to print a retraction to an eariler post. On March 3, at 4:41 pm , I wrote:"I really can't stand technology. " After speaking with Yamms, I would like to say that it is not technology that I can not stand; it is only my prehistoric computer. She brought up that I am only so extremely annoyed when dealing with my own computer, and that is when the epiphany occured. So kudos.
High school is still pointless.
Ronnie had a really good point, although I don't totally agree. It is very true that this is supposed to be a free country and that we're not supposed to force anyone to believe anything that they don't want to; however Baptist Christianity teaches that not only are we supposed to follow the word of God but we are to be evangelists, so we are supposed to be teaching people the right way to go. Granted, no I wouldn't like it if this nation were predominately another religion, but if is too flexible. I'm dealing in our here and now. I disagree, because we should be letting those who have no faith know what they are missing, but I agree on another level, because I feel the Pledge of Allegiance is a bunch of empty words anyway. Every part of it has lost meaning to someone due to injustice or discrepancy of beliefs, and the entire thing has lost meaning to me because of the totalitarian practice of we as small children, and even now as high school students, being made to say it everyday. I could go on, but I'll stop here for now, cuz I have something to do for this pointless place I have to be tomorrow.

*JESUS WEPT*

2003-03-03T21:39:00.000-08:00

I think I have finally become an accomplished human being, for I have succeeded in adding a guestbook to my page. ( You may now rejoice) Yeah, it wasn't what I originally wanted, but I'm working on that. But anyway, feel free to sign. Yeah,really free. Like "Celie from the Color Purple" free.

*NOTHING BUT DEATH CAN KEEP ME FROM IT*

2003-03-03T16:41:00.000-08:00

I really can't stand technology. I mean, isn't it supposed to offer easier, more efficient ways to do things? All I wanted was a counter on my page but the ever dependable technology won't let me have it. Yeah, technology is the greastest thing ever. Anyway, on a more positive note than last time, I am greatly looking forward to college, whatever city I end up in. To make a long story short, I can't decide between an assured future and debt at my first choice school, and a rich environment and a full scholarship at my second choice school. The details get jumbled from there but you can see the dilemma. In liight of the whole college admissions thing, and because my AIM buddy info is getting full, I would like to present a presentation ( how's that for redundant?) called "

IT DON'T GET NO BETTA...
* I have been admitted to the University of Texas at Austin's Red McCombs School of Business!

*Anthony Ortega has been accepted into Red McCombs!

*Matthew T. Armendariz has been admitted to Yale!

* Yamanda Wright has been admitted to ol' Stanfo', and will receive 38K/yr to attend!

* Deandrea Hogg has received 30K for 4 years to attend Xavier!

* Brandi Adams has received full tuition and a 2500 stipend from Washington University!

*Chad Mims has been accepted to Yale University!

* Jenn Boyd has been accepted to Tulane's school of Engineering, and has received the Distinguished Scholar Award!

* Cami Marshall has been accepted to The University of North Carolina- Chapel Hill!

It Don't Get No Betta

Oh yeah, and don't forget to visit www.asideofyams.blogspot.com.

* TIME IS LIKE A SNOWFLAKE IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND... IT DISAPPEARS BEFORE YOU CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH IT.*

2003-03-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

Yes, inspiration is catching. Yamms made her site, which made me smile, and I decided to be self-proclaimed follower and do the same. I liked the whole stream-of-conciousness point she made, although I'm not sure whether or not she made it on her site or in the e-mail. Nevertheless, William Faulkner was a great writer, even if I could not appreciate it that at the time.
If college isn't the most confusing thing ever, I know something. Like Steff says, "Shut up!" The absolution has finally come and we have all grown up, but where do we really go from here? The first day of the rest of our lives came a long time ago. Let's face it, unless we retire early, we're not going to get to stop until we start to collect at 65. Pleasant thought, isn't it? They've told me that the impending 4-5 years will be the best and hardest of my life, so I draw close to them, reaching for the bridge while still holding the door to simplicity open with my outstretched foot. I think it closed already anyway, cuz everything from getting dressed in the morning to anti-differentiation to this post itself has gone awry and I'm just winging it until I can get a hold of it all again. Of course we're gonna have fun in college, that's not the point. Whatever... we're about to march. Let the band break us off with a little "Pomp and Circumstance" (unless I butchered that title).

*I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THE OTHERS SAY, BUT THE HARDEST STEPPING BROTHERS WEAR MAROON AND GRAY*